sUCHA dull moment

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby, and I'm the monster on the hill.

Yes, I sometimes do feel like that.

I got back from Bahrain, I got into Christ University, senior year result came out(yay me), lost some friends, made a few, cried a lot, almost killed myself, found out that I've to move out of town in three weeks, restarted listening to Taylor, got fat, started drinking a new kind of tea, got a new inspiration(Carla).

25.09.2023

Dear diary,

Paparrazzi by Lady Gaga is tearing me apart. I'll be visiting my home on 27th and my friend will be dropping me off at the bus stop(hopefully, he will).
I feel like I'm slowly killing myself. My health. my mind-everything is slowly shutting down. I have no idea why. I'm eating well, I have worked way more than this, the weather is okay(even though I hate it and sometimes I get really effing cold, but it's okay).

Also I have stopped listening to taylor swift. It was fun when it lasted. Back to my shitty music taste(jk, I adore myself).

The reason I came to Christ is really strange(I'll get to that later), But that particular reason(it/she/he/that/those...) will soon be the one shit that got away from me. Hopefully I will get hold of it soon.

One thing I hate about going back home is the fact that I will soon have to come back. I mean trust me, Banglore is a beautiful place. Probably one of the best. But when you have the confidence of a chicken and the energy of a cat, nothing is fun. Hopefully, I will soon start to open my fucking eyes and enjoy without thinking twice.

And hopefully, I will lose some fucking weight.

Comments

When you look at the moon, do you always see a bright circle?

The moon is only pretty because it is far. It's past four right now. My tonsillitis infection is once again back(welcome everyone). And just like always, I made a few friends. They are good people, just like everyone else is(AH, THE IRONY). I miss my mom. I know things aren't that great between us(it never was), but I wonder how she is. I miss my sister(Yes, I'm aware of the fact that we are not close). I miss my dad. I hope he's okay despite the things he had to go through the past few years. I really hope him the best. And my school mates are some people I don't miss that much(sorry not sorry). Everybody knows it. It's not actually because they are bad people-we just didn't get along that well(haha?). I want to look at things and only see the bright side. Whenever I look at the moon, it's a narrow crescent(everytime). Maybe it's me, maybe it's the way I see it(it IS the way I see). Maybe that's why some people dislike me so much(uhuh). ...

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?

I was so wrong. Yes, Bahrain is a cool place to visit. Yes my mum's brother and his wife and their daughter, all of them are literally chill. But I hate it. I hate it in here. It's not the food, not the weather(not a big fan but I'm versatile), it's not the beautiful place, and it's definitely not the people. I. Just. Hate. It. I feel so lonely. There's this small table aunty has on the balcony. At night(or day), when nobody's here, I would stand on the edge and wonder how it would be if I fell from the third floor. And he says that God is convinced that I'm gonna kill myself!(what a joke!) No, I don't plan on killing myself(anytime soon). No, I don't wanna ever come back here alone(unless I have the ability to change my personality or something). And no, I don't wanna suffer. Does anyone reading this shitty blog actually have any knowledge on me?(*wondering*) It's either the people from my Instagram story, or the people from my Wattp...

Punk And Disoderly

Search This Blog