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When the fuck does this end?

 What the fuck is wrong with me? Lol, and who the fuck is reading this bullshit? With all due respect, I am quite sure that we know each other personally, so please reach out to me; not for you to gain anything, but just so that I don't die of absurdity. Please I started reading this crap of an essay about another set of essays, called essayism. I have no idea what he was thinking, but I hope Brian Dillon finds peace in wording out the sufferings of some people's minds. I certainly find it amusing, his writing style, and quite similar to mine; I say this as I immerse myself in great vanity. And I'm proud of it, lol. Fuck you, the other 16 people. I have realized that my life has reached an end. Not in a way you think it has; my life has reached an end where I can say that there is no turning point that will happen anytime soon. My life has been wired in such a way that every step I take forward, I am actually taking a big leap by turning back. That is how it is. If you ask ...
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Recent posts

Things I hate

 I hate growing up the most.  I came to find out that my stupid parents(whom I love very dearly) are selling our first scooter. I would like to think that that was the first-ever scooter I have ridden, even though I'm not quite sure. It's very lightweight, black in color, and my favorite ever. I begged them not to sell it, but since we got another one a few years earlier, it has been a little difficult for my mom to handle both. I cried a lot when I found out. It used to have our house name written on it in Malayalam, but I think that got scratched off as time passed. My grandfather did that. Even he loved that scooter. We got it in 2010.  I have fallen from it and broken my head; my mom has fallen from it multiple times. Man, I hate this. Why do they have to sell it?  I would like to name her Joie(joy). You must think that I have gone crazy, alright, naming a scooter and getting so emotional over it.UGHHHHHHH! I'm so mad at my parents right now. I also told my mom n...
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Mourning

Dear Diary,  My class officially ended last month. But I'm doing one more year as a part of delaying unemployment, which I think is an unofficial term for doing honours degree as well. But what the hell! What do I know! There was this kid in my class who ran down on me to my first year roommate, who was another bitch lol. And the same kid kept hitting on me for the last few months. The strangest part was that it took me some time to figure it out and he somehow managed to freak me out and humiliate me(twice). But towards the very end, for some very weird reason, he became considerate of me. Might have thought, 'I ain't gonna be seeing this bitch ever again! Might as well end on good terms.' Oh, and he was so very convinced that I was going to kill myself.  I, like many other people, get tired very easily. Right now, I have reached a point in my life where I get insanely overwhelmed by everything. Sometimes when I eat, I just want to finish my food even if I don't ha...
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Homesick

  Dear Diary, Currently listening to Homesick by my favourite band.  2026 started off not so badly. I cry often, though, lol-mainly cause I miss a lot of people who are not present in my life anymore. Nothing unnatural happened. Sometimes its because I did something 'funny', and other times they are just, gone. Just like that. If you ever wonder why bad things are happening to you-just stop and take a step back. Think of the bad things you have done to other people. I don't know if I will ever talk about the bad things I have done to someone I love. That will take us days to complete. Let's just say that it was the worst thing I have ever done, worse than one could possibly imagine. Mind you, this was all done by a 10 year old. I miss you Achamma. I miss you so much, more than you can possible imagine. I'll probably start bawling in a few minutes, good thing that my roommate isn't here, right? I miss you Achamma. There are times when I just want to suffer, not d...
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Midnight Memory

 Dear Diary,    Today is the 10th of July. I did not feel like writing at all. Then I realized that there is no point in waiting for your thoughts to come to mind. You'll just have to do it-once and for all. It's been almost five years since I started this blog. I remember randomly watching One Tree Hill and making a MySpace account. It was the funniest. Then pretended to be like Peyton a lot-having edge, emo clothes, smoking cigars, and so on. It is funny how I still have my old username. It's almost as if nothing has ever changed. Well, almost. My college life is so much different than my school life. I was very popular. I don't even know how. Right now, people just know my face. They just remember it. Well, at least they remember it! My life has been like a wind just passing through a crowded environment. When I say crowded, I mean like super-crowded. And when I say wind, think of the invisible cloak. Nobody notices me at all-not that I mind it. If I am being tota...
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We're not afraid to die if we can all be together

This post is going to be formatted a little different.  Today is my last day in Bahrain, at least for a while. I don't know when I'll be back, or if I'll be back. I just wanted to take a few moments to thank. I thank God for giving me this opportunity to come here-I had a very great time despite of the things I've said to you. As you might already know by now I have some difficulty in controlling my anger when it comes to hatred. But somethings that stopped me from doing unhinged performances are always controlled by the guy above. Thank you for everything. Second of all I would like thank my parents for the same. Whatever happens between us, you guys are the ones who adjusted the path for me. I wouldn't even be here without you both, and my sister(on whom I always wish the best for. I love you and I'm sorry) Third of all, the small family I have here who deserves a lot. I want to thank you guys for showing me the beautiful places, treating me well, trying to ma...
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Master of Procrastination

13th April 2025,  16:06  Dear diary,           Today, like any other day, I cried(I still am). It happened for a very random reason, though. I'm currently in Bahrain. Even though my college forced me to come here for an internship, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here. I have always been a black sheep from my family. I do not mean the only black sheep-just one of them who is constantly failing even without trying. I do not remember the last time I, along with the rest of my family, was genuinely happy for something that I did.  I am one of the biggest failures of the century, and I deserve everything that comes to me.  [who does my sister thinks she is? Just because I am childish, sensitive, and a crybaby in front of my family, does she think she can just assume that I will put with it even after years? She is the one who fucking blocked me on instagram after leaving the country and she is...
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