Master of Procrastination

13th April 2025,

16:06

Dear diary,

Today, like any other day, I cried(I still am). It happened for a very random reason, though.
I'm currently in Bahrain. Even though my college forced me to come here for an internship, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here.

I have always been a black sheep from my family. I do not mean the only black sheep-just one of them who is constantly failing even without trying. I do not remember the last time I, along with the rest of my family, was genuinely happy for something that I did.

I am one of the biggest failures of the century, and I deserve everything that comes to me.

[who does my sister thinks she is? Just because I am childish, sensitive, and a crybaby in front of my family, does she think she can just assume that I will put with it even after years? She is the one who fucking blocked me on instagram after leaving the country and she is the one who is saying that I try not to get in touch with her? I hope she suffers hell for this. She might be good at hiding things like this in public but I am not. It fucking tears me up everytime when I know the fact that people will always believe her over me, for whatever the hell I have done.
If I were a lazy person who just wishes to curl herself in a blanket, I would have accepted everything. But I am not that only person and I do not have the self esteem to show that I am a brave strong girl who can be the person who does not give an utter shit about anything. I am a weak little girl who lets people get her easily because I take everything way too personally. I probably should change that but I do not want to take another 20 years of my life for that.]

I hope one day, one day, everything comes out. Every lie I have ever told, every single jealous bone in my body, every single feeling I have ever held back, I hope it all comes out one day. People then will, hopefully, see me for who I am. I don't expect them to welcome me anymore. For my sake, they have tried their best.
I hope one day I get the chance to save myself.

I pray to god every day for the one day to come soon.

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