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When the fuck does this end?

 What the fuck is wrong with me?

Lol, and who the fuck is reading this bullshit? With all due respect, I am quite sure that we know each other personally, so please reach out to me; not for you to gain anything, but just so that I don't die of absurdity. Please
I started reading this crap of an essay about another set of essays, called essayism. I have no idea what he was thinking, but I hope Brian Dillon finds peace in wording out the sufferings of some people's minds. I certainly find it amusing, his writing style, and quite similar to mine; I say this as I immerse myself in great vanity. And I'm proud of it, lol. Fuck you, the other 16 people.
I have realized that my life has reached an end. Not in a way you think it has; my life has reached an end where I can say that there is no turning point that will happen anytime soon. My life has been wired in such a way that every step I take forward, I am actually taking a big leap by turning back. That is how it is. If you ask me, I have no idea when it started or why I force myself to do this every single day. I talk to my mind before I do everything; I make transactions with the almighty and there is no single span of time when my mind goes blank because my mind is a fucking financial administration. 

Think of all the dead people you know; would you believe me if I told you I talk to them almost every day? As much as I would like to, I don't. 

What do people pray in temples? More specifically, how do they pray? Do they talk to god as a friend, or a higher power? I would like some advice on this, please. I think my vocabulary has run out of its time.

Every single relationship I have with the people in my life is so fucking messy. Every relation is. But somehow it seems like this is bothering only me. How does one get out of this? And why do almost all the things around me still fucking bother me so much? Am I not growing? Or is this another hint to it?

 The only sincere relationship I have in my life is the deal I made with god.


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