Punk And Disoderly

13th April 2025,  16:06  Dear diary,           Today, like any other day, I cried(I still am). It happened for a very random reason, though. I'm currently in Bahrain. Even though my college forced me to come here for an internship, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here. I have always been a black sheep from my family. I do not mean the only black sheep-just one of them who is constantly failing even without trying. I do not remember the last time I, along with the rest of my family, was genuinely happy for something that I did.  I am one of the biggest failures of the century, and I deserve everything that comes to me.  [who does my sister thinks she is? Just because I am childish, sensitive, and a crybaby in front of my family, does she think she can just assume that I will put with it even after years? She is the one who fucking blocked me on instagram after leaving the country and she is...

  21st September 2024 20:49 Dear Diary, I spent today doing nothing. I slept last night at three in the morning and woke up at past 11:30. After lunch i slept again till 6. I feel like nothing, absolutely nothing. Do you ever wonder what your ex's friends thought of you? Like if they ever thought that you were too good for their friend? Or if they were always like 'Ah she such a bitch, why my homie dating that cunt?', or something idk. This question popped into my head recently when my ex's close friend started texting me. Let me tell you something. I still don't know if my ex boyfriend is a nice guy or if he was just rude to me, only me. We literally were just playing each other. When I was too scared to let go of him, I just started playing himself and used myself only. Concluding, I've no idea what my ex is doing now or if he ever liked me or anything else. But his friend just randomly texting me like that made me pretty confused. Especially when I understood...

  02/07/24  21:22   Dear diary,             Do you ever feel like you just don't know what is out there for you? Like either there is nothing                  for you and you're just stuck in the same loop, with just different lightings. Or you can't just see a future for you ahead. There are somethings in the world that can never just be changed.                                Personality is one of them. You can always pretend to be a different person or have different                        opinions but on the inside, you're the same person you've been years ago. People don't      change, their perceptions does. Okay, I wrote till this in the month of July. Today is September 2nd. Yup, it's been two months since I last wrote this.  So many...

19/06/24 18:23 Dear,     It is day two of my ill-life and the only thing stopping me from going on is my parents. Damn the hell, but I effing love them so much. The Bangalore weather has been compromised and I wake up sweating, every morning. But I am counting the days till September so that I can go back home and chill for a week.  Also, a new avatar has entered the life which stops me from having any kind of business in the entertainment area(Thank you, J).  How I honestly want my college days to go on-I want to quit everything, every extra curriculars and want to study and learn well and just go back home after class. I'm writing this here because I don't have the guts to talk about this to people.  Realizing that there is no single person in the entire world you can depend on hits hard. I'm aware of the fact that it is mildly selfish but those are my desires. If I can't be loved, then what can I be? Also, my old buddy is not talking to me because they care a...

17 Feb 2024, 21 years ago, someone I know was born. Poof. Today, it's me rethinking my thoughts just to make sure that what I feel is right. And do you want to know what I feel? I feel like if this someone is happy now, then I shouldn't ruin it with my presence. At the same time, I keep on running into this someone a lot. I try my best to avoid them most times. But, obviously, I will also want to see them, right? Right. Every day is a new day-me thinking that something will happen that will make me not want to sleep ever. Not because I want to kill myself, but because I could never sleep thinking about the instance as I'll always be smiling. My chances are either getting reduced or is already nil. Not considering the latter, considering what kind of a person I am, I live everyday. Yes, maybe that's why I have low self-esteem. I wish I could talk to someone. Well, not just someone but someone who might know someone . But I am too scared to do that as I am that girl w...

 My cousin just made a comment. Fuck you, so I have facial hair-up yours! So it's his wedding in what, 2 3 days I guess. I'm currently at my dad's place and this shit is boring af. I'll go back to my place only on 2nd and on 3rd I've to be back at the shitty college. AHHHHHHH I had so many plans for the holidays. Wanted to hang out with Meera, Poorni, Aysha etctec. But none of that crap happened cause of this shitty wedding(I'm not cursing them ok. God bless you guys) But something good did come out of it. I talked to someone after a particular period of time. I hope nobody I'm close with reads this cause this shit is embarrassing af.  Also I'm missing new yrs guy. probably the first time after a long time. I feel like crying myself to sleep(honest guys, honest) I want to thank everyone who rooted for me this year+whoever wrote to me thinking that some pages were suicide notes left by me lol(ik it's not funny)(ps MEERAAAAAMWAHS) Also, this might be t...